Are all fears monsters? The answer is no.
Sometimes a fear can be a Wise Warrior showing up to protect you. Generally, we hear that when you feel fear and you make a major decision out of that fear, it will normally not be the best decision to be making at the time. I completely concur to such counsel.
Though the key insights here are, “generally and normally”. There are some fears that arise within us to alert us to danger. What if that boogey man is someone you live with, or it’s the person that you love? If, you have a friend constantly walking on eggshells, where they experience their brain in a constant scrabbled egg mode, you would not tell them, not to listen to their fears.
So, then your friend in the mirror, needs you to stop telling you,
“Everything is going to be okay. Because you’re not going to be hit again. They promised.
You’re not going to be cheated on you again. They promised.
You’re not going to be attacked verbally or emotionally again. They promised.
You’re not going to be rejected, neglected, or intimately abandoned again. Because their avoidance of you is all because of something you have done. Of course, it’s your fault once again!
𝗣𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗯𝘀 𝟭𝟰:𝟭𝟲 “𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱 𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿; 𝗳𝗼𝗼𝗹𝘀 𝗽𝗹𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗮𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲.”
The footnote indicates the original word for “cautious” is “fear”. So, “The wise fear and avoid danger.”
Therefore, not all fears are wrong. There are some fears which will aid you in being wise and cautious. When a person’s life is in potential danger, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, or financially due to the one they trust is exhibiting unwise or unbecoming characteristics in any of these areas, then the prudent would hearken to their internal alarm system. Neglecting to do so, is to violate a boundary of one’s own well-being.
A friend in a similar situation, you wouldn’t necessarily advise them, to listen to their “faith” or “Pray to see if it’s God’s will or not”. Instead, you would plead with their logic and not their spirituality, to persuade them not to continue in plunging ahead with a “reckless confidence”. Because faith with no basis is complete foolishness!
When someone has been abused emotionally, neglected, rejected, abandoned they have been living in a famine state. When there is such a vacancy and deep void, they desperately want to be heard and their pain validated. But this also puts them not only in a vulnerable place but in a potentially unsafe space. Especially with a narcissistic Jezebel spirited person.
When someone has shown you that they don’t entirely have your best interest at heart, we need to focus in on that deficit in this equation of our relationship with them. And to proceed with great caution! Surely do not over share, if you share anything at all! When we share with a person who really doesn’t care about us, we are throwing precious pearls before swine when we share pieces of ourselves in transparency and truth. To share such priceless treasures, with someone who is not trustworthy is extremely risky.
They can exploit you much like what King David experienced, “They pretend they care, but they are only gathering information to gossip, slander and lie on me.” With a toxic person, everything you share not only can be used against you, but very well will be used against you.
It could be the simplest thing as, “I love when I get beautiful cards from you. They say so much and since you are not really a word person, they mean even more to me. “And then the next occasion, no card, or a general card with hardly any meaning is given to you. And this is minor, compared to even more hurtful things they can contrive. You never tell a toxic person, what you like and what you don’t like. Lest you give your pearls to those who will stomp on them and then turn around and then attack you.
In Proverbs 4:23, we find the exhortation to, “Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.”
We are to guard our hearts with great caution. This has always been one of my main spiritual goals. I always saw it as a companion scripture to, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks”. So, I was always extremely diligent over my love life spiritually and the condition of my heart’s health. Very vigilant, that I never permitted a root of bitterness to grow within my soul. But in hindsight, I see so many truths that I never heard nor contemplated from this Scripture.
I see more relatedly, how guarding your heart assists you in knowing who are the swine that you should not share your pearls and the pieces of your soul with in the first place. And to always be mindful, that people can change and not always for the best.
Because in Proverbs 20:6 says, “Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?” Or, “Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable?”
Too often, had we proceeded with great caution into our friendships, relationships, or partnerships, it would not have been necessary to guard against bitterness and unforgiveness. Neither to heal from unnecessary narcissistic trauma or recover lost pieces of ourselves.
The bible clearly states that, “A wise person is cautious in relationships.” So, when someone demands that you should trust them, that’s an indication of a person you should proceed with great caution into a relationship with, or even at all. For trust is earned and never an entitlement.
The amount of caution that we drive our relationships with, will ultimately end up determining the quality of life that will spring forth and that we experience on this side of heaven.