by Jack Watts
Here I am once again,
At the end of myself,
Feeling like a fool,
Feeling like I haven’t learned a thing.
It seems as if I’ve been here so often
That it is my permanent dwelling place.
It seems like my times of sorrow and suffering
Have far surpassed my times of joy and contentment.
Be gracious to me, O my God,
Let me know what You have in store for me.
Assure me that my pain has been purposeful—
That my years have not been a total waste,
Devoid of meaning, point, or value.
I want to cast my anxieties on You,
But when I do, they don’t remain there.
Instead, fearfulness haunts me relentlessly,
Exacting a terrible, debilitating toll on me,
Impacting every fiber of my being.
I want to be strong, but I am not.
I am so weak and so used to being defeated
That apprehensiveness has become my daily lot.
Rescue me, Father. Pour out Your grace upon me.
Allow me to know joy in the days ahead.
Let my cup overflow with Your blessings.
Allow my life to once again have value.
Instruct me about what my future will be,
With assurances from Your Holy Spirit.
I fear that my days will end
Before any good will materialize,
Leaving a wasted, purposeless existence.
Without Your active intervention,
All will be lost and irredeemable.
I know this; I feel certain this is true.
As I wake in the morning and retire at night,
This realization is ever before me,
But it is not where I want my life to be.
Neither is it Your desire for my future,