by Jack Watts
When I came to You in my distress,
I wanted You to “make everything better,”
To nurse my bruises like my mother once did,
When I was a little boy and hurt myself,
To tell me that I would be okay and that
My pain would vanish and soon be forgotten.
But this is neither what You did nor what You intended.
Instead, You made it crystal clear that
I could not nurse my wounds in solitude,
Nor take pleasure in the bitter fruit of self-pity.
Instead, You insisted that I “suck it up,”
Stretching me far beyond my comfort zone,
Insisting that I be more open, more vulnerable,
And more honest than I have ever been.
You guided me, leading me to do
The next right thing, regardless of what
The consequences happened to be,
Regardless of the outcome.
Despite my fears and my desire to hide
The exact state of my heart, which I tried
To mask with a disingenuous smile, I obeyed,
Doing the next right thing—one day after another.
Knowing that following Your will was my only option,
Even when being obedient seemed weak and foolish,
I sucked it up and did what I knew to be right—
Time after time, until doing so became natural and easy.
Father, You know the plans You have for me, and I do not.
I cannot see the future nor understand it,
But I know that by following my conscience,
Even when it would have been easier to walk away,
Returning to the false comfort of my vices,
Something of great value has been created within me.
It has now become an integral part of my character,
And I am grateful that You have made me a better person,